


Because I Love you

by DemonicDetective



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Physical Abuse, Songfic, Unhealthy Relationships, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8615095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicDetective/pseuds/DemonicDetective
Summary: "I do it because I love you." That's what Ryan said. That's what Brendon believed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand I'm back. This time with a sort of song fic. Based on the lyrics "You got two black eyes from loving too hard/And a black heart that matches your blackest soul." From LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco. 
> 
> Do I ship Ryden? Nope. But y'know. Life. Also: this is just fiction. I in no way am implying that Ryan would abuse of anyone this way. This is a work of fiction.

"I do it because I love you." That's what Ryan said. That's what Brendon believed. 

Brendon knew Ryan had problems, but their relationship wasn't one of them. "No. I get it." Brendon whispered quietly, not asking for an explanation. He never did. Not even the first time it happened.

Besides, they were guys. Guys played around with each other like that all the time. And sure, they weren't exactly playing the first time it happened, in fact, they were arguing, but it's what Brendon told himself.

He didn't ask questions because he knew Ryan loved him and love shouldn't be questioned. It just was.

Brendon picked himself off of the ground, eye still throbbing from the powerful punch Ryan had thrown at him only seconds earlier.

As soon as he got to his feet, he felt two arms pull him into a hug. Brendon melted into Ryan's arms. That was how he knew it was love. As soon as Ryan did something wrong, he felt guilty about it. He wouldn't feel guilty if he didn't love him.

They stood in the empty tour bus for a few minutes, each lost in the others' embrace before the bus door opened. 

"I don't know man," Spencer's voice floated from the front of the bus, "I just think we should've just gone for it."

Ryan let go of Brendon and looked back at the two new arrivals. "Gone for what?" He asked, stepping in front of Brendon.

"Spence wanted to drive 2 hours to the nearest In-N-Out. I said no, of course." Jon explained, dropping a bag of Del Taco on the nearest table.

"I just need to try it!" Spencer whined, dropping next to Jon, "I've only heard of it's deli-oh hey what happened to Bren?"

Suddenly, all the attention shifted to Brendon's eye, a dark bruise already forming. He didn't know what to say.

"Hit himself on the bunk." Ryan explained for him.

"Again? That's the second time this month Bren. Didn't notice you were so clumsy." Jon laughed, reaching into his bag.

Spencer seemed less convinced.

"I just drank, give me a break." Brendon smiled, look over at Ryan for approval of his answer.

Ryan smiled at him, making Brendon smile twice as hard.

"I guess." Spencer said, letting it go for the time being.

"Hey, give me some of that." Ryan walked over to the duo, once again shifting the conversation to the food.

Suddenly Brendon's smiled dropped. If Ryan did it because he loved him, why did they try so hard to hide it?

* * *

"I do it because I love you." That's what Ryan said. That's what Brendon was questioning.

He wasn't the only one though. Spencer kept giving Brendon an odd look every time he said he had tripped. Or ran into a pole. Or accidentally punched himself. Or had gotten into a fight.

"I... I guess." Brendon murmured quietly while holding a pack of ice to his right eye.

"What was that?" Ryan asked menacingly. His dark eyes stared straight into Brendon's and he felt his heart jump.

There was a point in their relationship when his heart jumped out of pure love. Now, it was fear.

He shifted his eyes away from his boyfriend. "Nothing. It's just sometimes I-" 

"You doubt I love you?" Ryan interrupted him. Brendon nodded hesitantly, not sure if that was what Ryan wanted to hear. He was never sure anymore.

"Bren." Ryan knelt next to the chair Brendon was sitting on. "Look at me."

Brendon looked up, but avoided the guitarist's gaze.

"I said look at me." Ryan said, more forcefully this time and grabbed Brendon's face, forcing their eyes to meet.

Ryan's facial expression softened and he let go of Brendon's face. Brendon resisted the urge to cradle his face which stung where Ryan had held.

"I do love you." Ryan whispered, holding Brendon's free hand, "I do, I promise I do. You just. I just love you so much. And I don't know how to show it sometimes. I get mad at how much I love you. I guess you can say I love you too hard."

Ryan giggled at his previous statement. Brendon felt his heart lighten up because Ryan was in a good mood now. That was good.

"How about we put on a movie and cuddle on the couch." His boyfriend suggested, pulling him up from the chair.

Brendon nodded, before putting the nearly melted ice pack back in the small freezer in the bus. He'd need it again soon. He always did.

* * *

"I do it because I love you." That's what Ryan said. That's what Brendon believed at one point of their relationship.

"No, Ryan." Brendon answered him in a bold voice. Ryan looked slightly taken aback. Brendon had never used that tone at him before. Much less after one of their arguments.

"It's not because you love me. It's never been about that." Brendon didn't know where his sudden bravery came from, but as soon as he felt it, he hung onto it. "You have some sort of power complex."

"No I don't." Ryan defended himself. "It's because I lo-"

"Because you love me?" Brendon interrupted his boyfriend shaking his head furiously. "No it's not. Because if you loved me, you wouldn't be doing this."

"You just don't know how I work." Ryan argued, clearly trying to keep his cool.

"I know exactly how you work." Brendon shouted.

"Woah, what's going on here?" Spencer asked cautiously as he entered the bus.

"You know. You know what's been happening." Brendon shouted at his friend this time, too caught up in the moment.

Spencer peered over at Brendon who was cradling the side of his face and simply nodded in understanding, motioning his friend over. "Get over here. We're leaving."

"Don't tell any one anything." Brendon whispered as he passed by him, not looking back at Ryan when he exited the bus, only seeing Spencer incline his head.

"I'll be out in a minute." He heard Spencer say from inside the bus.

The last time Brendon saw Ryan, he was stepping off of the tour bus sporting a bloody nose and was being followed by an angry Spencer.

Brendon was then dragged away by his friend to the nearest diner where an old friend of theirs picked them up.

* * *

 

"C'mon. Lay back down." Dallon said, bringing Brendon a warm bowl of chicken soup.

Brendon groaned and climbed into his bed as Dallon placed the warm liquid on the coffee table. "But I have work to do. Just let me go to the studio for like two  hours."

"Nope." Dallon smiled. "You've been there all week. You're not leaving until you're better."

"I'm not even sick." Brendon whined before he sneezed into his arm.

He looked up to see Dallon smiling, his mouth open ready to make a remark.

"If you say anything I'll throw this chicken soup at your face." Dallon shut his mouth quickly, but continued smiling smugly.

Brendon blew at his soup and put a spoonful in his mouth. "Stop staring at me you creep. I can't believe you're making me miss work."

"I do it because I love you."

Brendon froze halfway through putting another spoonful of broth in his mouth. He looked up at Dallon.

Dallon who had made Brendon stay home because he was sick. Dallon who missed the same job for him. Dallon who made him chicken soup so he could feel better. Dallon who took care of him. Dallon who was currently smiling at him lovingly. Dallon who never purposely hurt Brendon.

"I don't doubt it." Brendon smiled, continuing to eat his soup and feeling his heart jump out of pure love.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> BUT DO I SHIP BRALLON? YOU BET I DO! All shipping aside though, I don't hate Ryan at all, I just thought this story would fit with Ryden. And on a serious note: if you or anyone you know is going through any kind of abuse, please ask for help as soon as possible. My family has personal experience with abuse and there seriously is help, even if it doesn't seem like it. From friends and family to organizations.
> 
> Another thing: This story was made in 3 hours starting at 11 p.m. Sorry if it sucks.


End file.
